The Bottom of Myself

I never thought of myself as the bottom of anything until I read an article recently that talked about being the “bottom of myself.” After reading the article I believe I understand the statement all too well. As I understand it, the bottom of myself is when I have reached a point in my life when I really do not know what to do, how to do, or even care about whether it gets done or not. It is a time that I cease caring about or understanding who or what life is about. It is a time of total surrender to the idea that I know nothing and I am nothing without Christ.

When I look back on those times in my life I remember the volume of the noise in my head. You know those crazy thoughts that consumed my every waking moment. Remaining in that space is not something I desire to do as I would rather press through that time of life with dignity and grace.

Women who do not have loving, caring relationships struggle through this process at a great cost to their present and their future. As women we must begin to understand our struggles in order to understand the struggles of others and be able to help a sister gain control of her life while she is in still in her struggle! Have we forgotten how bad it hurts when the man in our lives prefers another? Have we forgotten how bad it hurts when the child we raised grows up and prefer his/her friends rather than the safe company of their mother? Have we forgotten how it hurts when the position we have worked long and hard for is given to a co-worker with less talent and less experience? And have we forgotten how it hurts when the doctor gives us dreaded news of a diagnosis that is not good and a prediction of tough times ahead? Have we really forgotten?

How many times have I said aloud – “have I not struggled enough?” At this time in my life I must remember I am not defined by my struggles but rather I am defined by how I endure my struggles. I am by no means suggesting that I have not cried, screamed, thrown objects and said aloud, “Why me Lord?” What I am suggesting is that at some point I must realize this struggle is designed to deepen my faith and dependence on God while preparing me for the purpose He intends for my life.

I must remember I have been prepared for the struggle in my life – no matter what it is. The subtext of life is that my last struggle prepared me for my current struggle. I must remember that every pain, every hurt, everything that caused me deep concern has only been released in my life after it has been filtered through the hands of my loving Savior Jesus Christ. His word tells me “I will not be given more than I can bear” (1Corinthians 10:13). The Bible lets us know we are fearfully and beautifully made; creatures known and beloved by God before we were placed in our mother’s womb (Psalms 139:14). My resolve is the next time I get to the bottom of myself I simply need to remember God is there too and I am always safe where He is! I need to look up, put my hand in His hand and hold on!

My next struggle may be long and hard but I challenge myself to remember I have a relationship with a loving and caring Savior so I am destined to overcome (Jeremiah 29:11).

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